the journey of life

hummphh..whatever

2009-11-21T07:03:00.000-08:00

the shit you hear about me might be true..

then again..

it could be as fake as the BITCH who told you :o]

i want.

2009-11-18T10:26:00.000-08:00

supposed to shop. but, grr. i didnt see anything nice. grr.

i'm supposed to get this one damn ~~fcking~~ pretty PANTS.

nad already bought first and unfortunately for her , i fell in love with it at the first sight.

darn!

i want it toooooooooooooooooooo. so badly that i can frown the whole dayy. :

so yeahh. that was IT. so disappointed. i wish i'm filthy rich that i can grab anything that catches my eyes.

sobb. too bad i'm not for those who are, stop being spoiled brats.

(perhaps i'll b spoiled too, if i'm super duper super duper rich right? lol. )

questions.

2009-11-18T10:24:00.000-08:00

i am a very very miserable person. i love keeping all sorts of shits to myself. most ppl know that i get jealous faster than the lightning. (i think. or is it jst me?) lol. wtv it is, yes, its true, i do. maybe its jst because i'm too immune to him, it means like, i'm so used to hv him for my own. get what i mean? so like, bla bla bla. ;

i hate ppl who messes with my mind. i hate it. cz it gets me thinking. all day long. about absolutely rubbish! its like, whatt a waste of time. and who to b blamed? you.
well, i love assuming things. i always think that i knoww. i always think that my theories are right. bt somehow, i do listen to other ppl too. i'm nt this sucked up brat or whatever. make sense? lol. farnny.

i'd love to have new friendly friends. but, i dnt wanna go after something that doesnt want me.
so yeahh, i love to jst sit and wait. :) bt sometimes, it depends. lol. i lalalalalove my friends. friends are the bombs. LOL.

hmmm.

2009-11-18T09:38:00.000-08:00

i'd like to know how much do i actually matter to you.

can you tell?

"you expect too much" = wrong answer, sorry!

Argh.

2009-11-18T08:33:00.000-08:00

sometimes i wonder what does a person has to do to deserve a slap in the face from me?

because i think i'm a really really really patient person. you throw to me anything or whatever in my face i'll just deal with it, patiently, i guess? i have gone through a lot. i admit, i bottled things up alot inside sometimes. but sometimes, i don't think it'll make any difference by spilling it out.... it's just gonna cause even more pain or make things go from good to bad or even to worse. and i don't want that.

you do whatever you like. you say whatever you wanna say. you get whatever you ask for. you go wherever you like. you love whoever you want. you leave whoever you like. you talk to whoever you like. you care about whoever you like.

hmm.. i'm clueless..

:'(

i'm leaving. i am. leaving. ahh whatever lah! bye.

****

current mood: (i'm just guessing..) see below.. lol.. yea wtf.. :(

Sadness

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Sadness is an emotion characterized by feelings of disadvantage, loss, and helplessness. When sad, people often become quiet, less energetic, and withdrawn. Sadness is considered to be the opposite of happiness, and is similar to the emotions of sorrow, grief, misery, and melancholy. The philosopher Baruch Spinoza defined sadness as the “transfer of a person from a large perfection to a smaller one.”

Sadness can be viewed as a temporary lowering of m

ood (feeling blue), whereas clinical depression is characterized by a persistent and intense lowered mood, as well as disruption to one's ability to function in day to day matters.

**********************************************

"You can close your eyes to things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to things you don’t want to feel."

sorry. i just had to google for sad images for this post. it represents my mood. because i never really camwhored a sad face. (i'll look fucking ugly, so yea, sorry la) well, the first one is damn fugly also and the second one made me wanna smile.......

gahhh!

oh well, i end up cheering up myself with my own silliness, stupidity and moron-ness :) yeay chibs ;)

i fucking hate liars. don't you?

2009-11-18T08:32:00.000-08:00

how i wish..

2009-11-18T08:31:00.001-08:00

i wish i know who to believe.
i wish i know what to believe.
i wish i know who to trust.
i wish i know what to trust.
i wish i know who to listen to.
i wish i know what's true and what's not.
i wish i know what's good and what's bad.
i wish i know who's good and who's bad.
i wish i know what's a lie and what's not.
i wish i know who's an ass and who's a bitch.
i wish i know how to express my anger.
i wish i know myself better.
i wish i know it all!

but the truth is, i don't :'(

and i'm clueless

What now.

2009-11-18T08:24:00.000-08:00

When I blog. I normally would either be happy, bored or pissed off.

Right now, I'm pissed off.

I'm not gonna write a hate post or babble about the person that I'm pissed off with because it'll bring me nowhere. It sucks being away. Away from home, family, boyfriend & friends. oh wait, and LIFE. It sucks. I don't wanna lose any of those.

But it's hard. Its hard to stay patient and keep saying yes to everything. Its hard to take all the crap that's been thrown at you all the time. Its hard to keep updated with the people there.

My teacher once told me in class ;

Love is unconditional.

therefore, there shouldn't be any condition when you love someone.
When you love someone, the person that you love can't be forced to love you back.
You'd be super lucky if you're loved back. That is, when a girl and a guy falls in love (in my case, that is).

When you first fall in love its all sunshine & rainbows.
and sometimes it turns dark & cloudy. (the part i hate most)

In a relationship, you gotta have trust, you gotta have faith.
Faith is when you believe, without proof. You don't need proof, to have faith in something/someone.

But how do you trust & have faith when they break promises? when they betray you? when they do things behind your back? You trusted them so dearly, and shit happens.

How do you actually regain back those trust?
It isn't easy. It takes two to work out a relationship. It takes time. It takes a lot of effort. It's a must to understand one another. The two of them must compromise. Must give and take.

I seriously second this quote,

"You don't know what you've got, til it's gone."

so, what now?

Things that irritate me most:

2009-11-18T08:06:00.000-08:00

a) WRONG PRONUNCIATION

I mean it's okay if your English isn't that good. But if you're a lecturer? That's just bad. Especially when you're giving lectures in front and keep repeating the same word with the WRONG PRONUNCIATION! (Okay, one thing. Is it actually proNUNciation or proNOUNciation?) (Checked, it is proNUNciation, unless if it's pronounce, then it's with the -noun) Hahah.

And once there was a friend of mine (Kelantanese), she said leopard as Lee Yo Pard. -_____-" Oh God. Corrected her right away. And then there were, toothbrush said as teeth-broosh! (Okay this one, I asked her (a different Kelantanese), what is 'berus gigi' in English? She right away answered, "Teeth Broosh" (I secretly LOL-ed in the inside). Broosh = brooch. I was like, RIGHT.. I just can't take it. Lol. You know how to pronounce it right? Which is so wrong and annoying! lol. It ticks me off, really.

Wait, I shall list them down.

*Skeleton - skle-ton / sklair-ton
*Leopard - Lee-yo-pard
*Toothbrush - Teeth-broosh
*Scheme - Sheeeeem
*Clerk - Slurk
*Transaction - Transition

Well, I'm not insulting or making fun of people here, it's just a reminder to not make silly mistakes like that, or else you'll definitely look silly! (I still find some kinda funny, but some are just annoying!) Hahah there's a lot more, but I can't really remember.

b) DoOfuS wHo tYpEs LikE ThEsE

Wow, isn't it tiring like that? Gotta stick your pinky on the Shift button every now and then? Seriously man. Probably yOu FinD iT cOoL bAcK thEn To tYpE thiS wAy. Yes, back then! It's no longer back then, now is it? But seriously, I just find it FREAKING irritating. It irritate my eyes. Be more civilized please.

c) Smsz / typez this wayz. Whyz gotz zz allz thez timez onez?

Okay, sometimes I use 'cuz' as short for because. Because is just too long. lol. and cuz sounds better then cos or cause. But hey, I'm not only talking about it in English. Also in Malay, it is even more annoying!

*Last - laz
*Guess - guez
*ofcourse - of corz
*class - claz
*miss - mizz

d) Bahasa Melayu (Pelik) Sekarang

*Perut - pewot (Seriously, wtf? what's wrong with you?)
*Comel - chumel / chomeyl
*Ke - kew (A simple ke, like, "ader kew?" Why do have to add 'w' in the end? Don't even get me started with the 'er)
*Gemuk - gemoxxx or temoxx (wtf?)
*Tau (as in tahu) - taw
*Korang (as in kau orang) - korunk
*Sayang - sayunk. even worse, CAYUNK. (eww gross)
*Kita - kte

Seriously, sometimes when my malay friends text me, I had to ask my other malay friend to translate. Because their short forms and their malays (like the one explained above) are way out of my league! I don't understand why, simple 'AKU' also have to become 'ak'? Isn't 3 letters short enough? Wtf is AK?! -____-"

Of course I speak Malay here, in Terengganu, and also with my family. But I use proper Malay with proper spellings, not all the time complete spelling but understandable.

p/s: For anyone who terasa / is offended by what I said, Sorry lahh okay :) Hehehehehe.
***

A lot more actually. But I'm too lazy to think. Shall continue soon! Got thoughts? Do comment :)

I'm still bored. I feel like I'm the only one left here. Walked to the toilet, and all rooms seem empty. Nobody walking around, but only this black cat named Juju. Named her that because apparently her eyes is juling! crazy eyes

im talking bout L.o.v.E

2008-12-07T00:31:00.000-08:00

i've done some readings on the topic of LOVE..so apa i nak ckp,here i am..trying to share my point of view and opinion on the complex thing so-called love..sbb until dis very moment i still quite dont get it kenapa manusia mengaku yg dalam hati ada cinta tapi xsanggup nak hadapi dunia percintaan?bagi i,dis type of people memang pecundang sejati!!

falling in love is always magical kan..agree tak people??it feels eternal..as if cinta tu dah xkan pudar sampai bila2 pun..love will last forever..heh??naively,kita nak percaya yang kita akan being exempted dari problem yg orang sekeliling kita hadapi..kononnye we are free from the odds that love will die..assured that it is meant to be..yang mana kita memang dah ditakdirkan untuk berjumpa dan hidup bahagia bersama smpai akhir hayat??boleh percaya ke?

as the magic recedes and then lepas tu daily life pun take over, kita xkan sedar perbezaan kehendak antara kaum adam dengan hawa..kita xpernah cuba nak ambil masa untuk faham dan hormat each other..mula laa masing2 pun dh jadi demanding, resentful, judgemental and xboleh nak tolerate between each other..

niat untuk nak mencintai dan dicintai perlahan2 terus mati..somehow the problems creep in..resentments makin menjadi-jadi..mula ada breakdown dalam komunikasi..rasa percaya yg dah tanam selama ni hancur berkecai..the magic of love is lost!!!

my ideal bf huh?

2008-12-04T22:00:00.000-08:00

Ways to be my BF :
[√] sense of HUMOR
[x] make PROMISES that u're not sure u will keep
[√] ACCEPT me as who i am
[√] respect ME ME ME !!!
[√] hv a FREE mind
[√] will ANSWER my smses n calls whether u r busy or with ur friends
[√] i come FIRST before everything
[√] after u made me mad u'll TRY to win my heart back
[√] ALWAYS smses me to show that u care
[x] say im the BEST girlfriend u ever had !
[x] ask me to have SEX with u ! seriously i'll never talk to u ever again..
[√] just please TRUST me ..
[√] never leave me ALONE ..
[√] if u r mad,TELL me what's wrong
[√] SHARE ur life with me
[√] u must love to hear i SING..
[√] will SAY, "i know u r fat,so what??!!"
[x] try to CONTROL my life??it's a big no no !!
[√] treat me like a PRINCESS.im fragile okay??
[√] LOOK into my eyes when i speak
[√] always know how to BEHAVE in public
[x] ask me to CHANGE..i won't change for u..let me be me
[√] wanna go out with me?hey u gotta hv STYLE..
[√] COMMENT each of my pics in friendster or whatever..hehe
[√] BALD is more..hahaha
[√] always be my HERO!
[√] HOLD my hands when we walk
[√] tell me u LOVE me evryday !
[√] HEAR me when i speak..
[√] when im down, u CHEER me up..
[√] FIGHT to have me !
[x] TEASE me..
[x] say u will love me FOREVER until...the day u die..!!

zaman persekolahan kanak2 saya..

2008-11-24T08:07:00.000-08:00

hmm bila ckp pasal zaman persekolahan..dah berapa belas tahun hidup ni asyik belajar je..i dh start masuk tadika ms umur i 3tahun setengah..iye betul xtipu ni..

let's begin with my kindergarten story...dis is how it starts..

first experience of attending school,dgn tadika laa..nama tadika tu TABIKA KEMAS KEPONG..haa reason i masuk tadika ni awal sbb kakak i dh masuk tadika..beza umur kitorg 2tahun..so bila kakak dh masuk tadika,i was left alone kat rumah..dh boring duk rumah xde kwn,i pun masuk tadika sama..ehehhe ms umur 5tahun i dh mahir membaca ngan menulis..sbb kat rumah pun dh kena bagi latihan intensif..so tugas i kat tadika adalah tolong cikgu untuk ajar bdk2 yg belum pandai..buku2 dkat tadika tu pun i khatam 3kali..yg kelakar nye i sentiasa terpilih utk buat performance for graduation day..masa umur 5tahun i buat fashion show tau!! (haha LOL!) and then masa umur 6tahun i buat deklamasi pantun ngan sajak about tun dr. mahathir...part sajak tu i dh lupa tp part pantun igt sikit2 laa..mcm ni bunyi dia..

Dr. Mahathir lantang bersuara,
suaranya di dengar diseluruh dunia,
wawasan 2020 wawasan kita,
(lupe sudah..uh uh??!!)

yg psl kena buat performance ni..sume keja cikgu zah..ngan assistant dia nama kak sah..hehe cikgu zah anak sorg anak nama mimie yg sama2 blaja ngan kitorg kat tadika ni..nnti kalau i jumpa gamba tadika dulu,i scan n then upload letak kt sini ey??some of my frens kt tadika ni i still igt lagi nama dorg walaupun kalau jumpa skrg,masing2 dh tak cam..and one of my best fren skrg pun,i dh kwn dgn dia since tadika lg tau!nama dia nordiana bt hasan..eh eh nama bapa pun dh lebih kurang sama..beza nye ayah dia hasan,ayah i hassan (ngeehee) ..

cerita kelakar zaman kanak2 ni,bila ada sorg my senior in tadika..i was 5yo kot and she's 6yo..one day tu she got a bad stomache ache..i named her as Dey la ey?bukan nama sebenar yg penting nye oke..ehhehe..cerita nye dia ajak i temankn dia ke toilet..so i pun temankan la..niat nye dia nak melabur,and i pulak ikut dia masuk sama inside the toilet room..dlm tgh duk temankan tu,tiba2 dia jerit "tarikk...tarikk..tolooong...tarik!!!!" ..i yg terkejut pandang la kat dia..my goodness! ada cacing yg besar keluar skali dgn her sisa..a VERY VERY GIGANTIC one indeed i would say.. kelakarnye dia suruh i tarik cacing yg dh bercampur dgn dia punya najis..eeuuww!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

dah abis tadika,masuk pulak sekolah rendah kat SEKOLAH KEBANGSAAN KEPONG..sekolah ni actually dekat je ngan rumah,jalan kaki pun boleh..dulu masa mula2 masuk darjah1,sume orang xpercaya i ni dah darjah1 sbb bdn i masa tu sgt la kecik..kesian takut i xlarat nk carry beg skolah so ayah pun belikan beg swan yg ada roda tu..beg roda swan sangat la famous ms tu kan??haha

kenangan darjah1..i've been placed to kelas 1 zamrud..kalau ikutkan kakak i cakap kelas zamrud ni kelas paling corot..so i nangis nak mintak tukar kelas since kelas paling pandai ialah 1 berlian plus kwn2 tadika i pun ramai kat kelas sana..tapi ayah pujuk suruh i belajar kawan dengan orang baru,the trick is..kalau i duk kelas paling corot,nnti i boleh dapat no.1 time exam (hehe) i dont have any idea time tu sebnarnye kelas belum diseparatekan antara budak cemerlang dengan yg kurang cemerlang..tapi i mmg skor dgn cemerlang la straight dpt no.1 time exam..markah pun kalau over 500 i akan skor 495+ never less than that..495+/500 is quite impressive la for me (hehe) so congratulations to me!!!nak dijadikan cerita,yang kelakar nye bila i bawa balik paper exam,kakak ngan abang i bantai gelak bila tengok paper tu..sebab nye orang terengganu sebut biawak dengan nama 'bewok' so time exam tu i dengan confidentnya pegi spell biawak dengan spelling B.E.W.A.K (ahahahha malu nye!)..my most embarassing moment time darjah1 ni ialah bila i kena nyanyi action song sorg2..wat persembahan wakil darjah1 untuk weekly assembly kat dataran perhimpunan..lagu nye ialah :

saya ayam .. kok kok kok kok kok
saya itik .. pak pak pak pak pak
saya burung .. cip cip cip cip cip
kami berbunyi
kok kok kok kok kok
pak pak pak pak pak
cip cip cip cip cip

kenangan darjah2 pulak..masa ni i jadik penolong ketua kelas (fuyoo! haha)..still,kelas belum diseparatekan lg so i stay kat kelas 2zamrud..ingat lagi sape ketua kelas,nama dia mohd sanusi (ngeh!)..mana laa dia skrg..entah2 dh kawin kot??ooppss..darjah2 xde cerita sgt..biasa2 je kot..tp time ni i dpt spotlight sikit dr cikgu2..kenapa?sbb my class teacher ms tu. cikgu ngah kalau xsilap nama dia adalah kawan kpd ayah i oke,begitu juga dengan english teacher,sir hashim (dh arwah sbb kena stroke when i was in standard3..al-fatihah~) .. cikgu2 kt sekolah tu pun termasuk guru besar pun kenal dengan ayah i..so i agak mendapat perhatian la kat skolah..and as usual, i sapu first place tiap kali exam dengan markah yg cemerlang..again!

nk cerita pasal sir hashim..he's a very kind and soft spoken man..kdg2 datang rumah..just for normal visit..ayah i pun selalu bw i pegi rumah dia..tapi tiap kali dia jumpa ayah i,mesti dia puji2 i tinggi melangit (hehe dia kata im his fav student =b)..tp time dlm kelas,memang i dh perasan..arwah cakap kdg2 xdgr butir cakap dia tu..mcm tersekat2 and not sounding so clear..xsangka bila dh darjah3,i dapat berita sir hashim kena stroke and not being able to teach us again!!seriously i sgt sedih time tu..every time ayah i nk visit dia,i akan ikut..sgt sedih bila tgk arwah dh xboleh bercakap..arwah lumpuh separuh badan..tapi bila nampak i dtg lawat dia,arwah akn jadi excited and mengalir airmata (isteri dia yg ckp..arwah anggap i anak dia)..every time i dtg pun,arwah akan bunyi2..i know he's trying extremely hard to speak..more or less,6months after that kot,arwah meninggal..oh suddenly im missing da moment being with him..

pasal sanusi pulak..abang i accident terlanggar dia ni yg tengah bawa basikal kat tepi jalan..and for your info,i pun ada sama kat dalam kereta time tu (shoot!)..sanusi patah peha,2 minggu xpegi skolah..we are sorry,my dear sanusi..somehow,we are good frens back then..kan sanusi??if only you're reading this..i just wanna say dat,i rindu nk mkn buah manggis dr pokok kat depan rumah dia tu and main basikal sama2..hehe

yg malu nye..time rehat,excited sgt nk makan..i duduk kat atas bangku yg ada taik ayam..kena kat baju and bau busuk..euuw..i trus nangis on d spot and malu nak gi toilet..so cikgu hantar i balik rumah..(haha..mengada2 kn?)

my very first posting..

2008-11-24T04:29:00.000-08:00

oke since ni adalah my very first posting kat blog ni..let me introduce myself dulu la ey?

ok laa nama i rus majida bt hassan tapi suka ati korg laa nak panggil apa pun..kwn2 panggil chibi,ada jugak yg panggil majida,ida,majid (haha!) , cik loompa pun ada..and yg i paling tak suke bila orang panggil rus? hek cam xbest laa panggil rus ..kan??hmm mana dapat idea nk letak nama rus majida tu??mcm pelik je nama tu kan??sebenarnye i pun dh puas argue psl nama tu.."kenapa rus dgn majida tu ada space?".."kenapa rus bukan ros?".."apa makna rus?"..kalau majida tu i tau laa makna nye kemuliaan..sebenarnya nama majida tu amik sempena nama atuk yg bernama majid..mak ngan ayah mati2 igtkan anak lelaki..rupa2nye pompuan..jadi letak laa nama majida..i argue lagi "kenapa majida bukan majidah?"..haha and when it comes to it, my parents pun dh pening kepala mcm mana nk jwb sume soalan2 yg xde jawapan tu..byk songeh betul !! tapi bila fikir balik nama ni unik sebenarnye..xkan jumpa lg dah kat mana2 dlm dunia ni..tapi bila i tgk muvie ayat2 cinta..suka pulak bila dpt nama arab ni..aisyah - aisya // khadijah - khadeeja // majidah - majida (ngeeheee ntah pape =b)

yg paling geram bila ramai yg igt i ni ada keturunan jowo!!??just becos of dat name laa..ada ke..suka ati je..ohh cakap psl keturunan pulak.. sebelah mak i ada keturunan india yg byk bulu2 tu..india benggali ke ape ntah..kalau tengok pakcik2 yg sebelah mak,semua pun jenis yg byk bulu..memang dah keturunan laa tu kot,kan??n then ada sikit darah siam..sebelah ayah pulak ada keturunan cina..if im not mistaken ayah punya nenek yg pure chinese..so bila dpt kat i ni dh xpure sgt laa..but then the blood is still inside me..so bila dah mix byk darah ni,apa jadi dgn rupa i??haiyoo!!..dulu masa sekolah menengah ramai jugak laa yang ingat i ni chinese tapi kulit gelap pulak??ngaahaa..sebenarnya saya melayu tulen oke??dan kulit yang gelap itu adalah berpunca daripada kegiatan kokurikulum di sekolah (weehooo!!)..back then i ni tersangat la aktif orang nye..lagi2 dlm pandu puteri..sume jawatan pun i nak sapu..gile kuasa lah katakan..ah peduli ape..like i care,kan??

ermm ape lagi nak ckp ey??haa..bila org tanya ape dia best feature on my face..my answer would be "mata yg super duper extravaganza besar" !! haha but dat's the truth i would say la..one of my lecturer baru je tegur..i introduce her as miss zai je ey?dia ckp.."chibi,mata u mcm mata orang india la..BESAR!"and then my reply was.."memang ada keturunan kot?" and kalau ada yang nak differentiate myself with other people..mesti akan berkenaan dgn mata laa jugak..dat's why la im saying mata is my best feature (werkkk??)..mak cakap kening i panjang mcm kening orang arab sbb masa pregnant dulu,mak wat haji pastu berkenan sgt dgn kening minah2 arab..yeke??entah laa..

tanggal 18 april tahun 1987 lebih kurang pukul 4pagi (according to my birth certificate la oke?) seorang baby girl yg comel selamat dilahirkan..wahwah!!!..lahir kat mana??kat rumah je di kepong..xsempat nak gi hospital kot??whatever la,asalkan selamat sudeyy..so kalau dibuat calculation..lepas dh di+ dan di-..umur i skrg dh pun 21tahun..dah besar dh anak mak..dh layak kawin??eh eh gatal betul..blaja belum lepas dh nak kawin..and for your info,skrg i baru kembali single oke??sape yg nak ngorat tu cepat2 isi borang!!sementara i masih available lagi ni (hukhuk!)

what's left to say??ermm kita stop kat sini je laa dulu utk kali ni ey??actually ada byk idea but d major problem is terlalu byk pulak..so,jgn lupa baca my next post oke??muah muah daa!!